Okay…here is the deal guys. Sugar is life. That’s it. Don’t you dare argue with me either. I am on day 15 of no refined sugar (28 days) and I’m dying. Literally dying. If you know me at all, you would know sugar is my first love and my nemesis. I can eat a full box of Bottle Caps in a hot second while scarfing down gummy worms, baked goods of all kinds, pie (every damn kind…all pie is delicious, don’t you dare argue with me either), candy, chocolate, and cookies (my uncle Mikey says he has “never met a cookie he didn’t like”…which I think may be on my gravestone someday)…and I reward myself constantly with sugar: did the dishes (bam! You get some chocolate!), took the kids to school in a snow storm (yep! You get a cookie!), ran some miles (oh yeah! You get a bag of candy!), had a hard day (no problem! Eat a cupcake!), happy & life is great (yes! Eat those 3 popsicles!)….point is…it is constant. Sugar is life, remember? I’m dying. And it is winter. Like the 2 biggest depressors you could combine (that was a bit dramatic, winter hasn’t been all that bad this year.)
And the crazy part?! You don’t change when you stop eating sugar. Seriously. You don’t suddenly become skinnier, become a better person (pretty sure this is the crankiest I’ve ever been), fruit doesn’t taste sweeter (that is BS, people, fruit tastes like f***ing fruit!) or see the world is sweet enough on it’s own. Blech. Gross. Sugar is life. If you want to know the true meaning of life, it is sugar. It is in everything! Ketchup, for the love of all things messed up–THEY PUT IT WITH TOMATOES!!!! Because…sugar is life. And it is delicious.
Jonah was going to take these cookies to share with his classmates (they have to be store-bought and gelatin and peanut-free) on Valentine’s Day…but got sick. He is sick again today and not going to school. So now I have 5 boxes of these damn cookies in my house (that is 50 cookies, my friends, 50!!!!!)…and they are fresh…so they smell heavenly…they are my most favorite store-bought cookie ever…sugar is life…drool…I am dying…literally.
Don’t do this challenge.
Don’t give up what you know is perfect and glorious and makes everything so wonderful.
Don’t you dare argue with me either.
Sugar is life.
(Also, Garmin, can you please add a feature to my watch that calculates how many miles I have to run to burn off…say…10 or one full box of all-that-is-holy goodness sugar cookies? Mmmkkk…thanks.)
Grandma Disclaimer: Grandma, first, I’m sorry I cursed. Second, I know you worry and this might make you do that. I just want you to know, I am fine. Just fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Life without sugar is fine. Don’t worry. Kids are great! Michael is great! I’m fine. Really. Don’t worry. This is fine. Please don’t try this challenge. Please don’t ever give up sugar. Sugar is life. Everything is fine. I’m fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. I love you!!! (Please have the Oatmeal Cream Pies and Strawberry Rolls ready for when I see you this summer.) I’m fine!!!!
General Disclaimer: Ever hear of anyone making it through this challenge? No? Not a one, right? Yeah, me either. Because they are either DEAD or lying and ate sugar. SUGAR IS LIFE. Don’t you dare argue with me either.