The True Meaning of Life

Okay…here is the deal guys. Sugar is life. That’s it. Don’t you dare argue with me either. I am on day 15 of no refined sugar (28 days) and I’m dying. Literally dying. If you know me at all, you would know sugar is my first love and my nemesis. I can eat a full box of Bottle Caps in a hot second while scarfing down gummy worms, baked goods of all kinds, pie (every damn kind…all pie is delicious, don’t you dare argue with me either), candy, chocolate, and cookies (my uncle Mikey says he has “never met a cookie he didn’t like”…which I think may be on my gravestone someday)…and I reward myself constantly with sugar: did the dishes (bam! You get some chocolate!), took the kids to school in a snow storm (yep! You get a cookie!), ran some miles (oh yeah! You get a bag of candy!), had a hard day (no problem! Eat a cupcake!), happy & life is great (yes! Eat those 3 popsicles!)….point is…it is constant. Sugar is life, remember? I’m dying. And it is winter. Like the 2 biggest depressors you could combine (that was a bit dramatic, winter hasn’t been all that bad this year.)

And the crazy part?! You don’t change when you stop eating sugar. Seriously. You don’t suddenly become skinnier, become a better person (pretty sure this is the crankiest I’ve ever been), fruit doesn’t taste sweeter (that is BS, people, fruit tastes like f***ing fruit!) or see the world is sweet enough on it’s own. Blech. Gross. Sugar is life. If you want to know the true meaning of life, it is sugar. It is in everything! Ketchup, for the love of all things messed up–THEY PUT IT WITH TOMATOES!!!! Because…sugar is life. And it is delicious.

Jonah was going to take these cookies to share with his classmates (they have to be store-bought and gelatin and peanut-free) on Valentine’s Day…but got sick. He is sick again today and not going to school. So now I have 5 boxes of these damn cookies in my house (that is 50 cookies, my friends, 50!!!!!)…and they are fresh…so they smell heavenly…they are my most favorite store-bought cookie ever…sugar is life…drool…I am dying…literally.

Don’t do this challenge.

Don’t give up what you know is perfect and glorious and makes everything so wonderful.

Don’t you dare argue with me either.

Sugar is life.

(Also, Garmin, can you please add a feature to my watch that calculates how many miles I have to run to burn off…say…10 or one full box of all-that-is-holy goodness sugar cookies? Mmmkkk…thanks.)

Grandma Disclaimer: Grandma, first, I’m sorry I cursed. Second, I know you worry and this might make you do that. I just want you to know, I am fine. Just fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Life without sugar is fine. Don’t worry. Kids are great! Michael is great! I’m fine. Really. Don’t worry. This is fine. Please don’t try this challenge. Please don’t ever give up sugar. Sugar is life. Everything is fine. I’m fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. I love you!!! (Please have the Oatmeal Cream Pies and Strawberry Rolls ready for when I see you this summer.) I’m fine!!!!

General Disclaimer: Ever hear of anyone making it through this challenge? No? Not a one, right? Yeah, me either. Because they are either DEAD or lying and ate sugar. SUGAR IS LIFE. Don’t you dare argue with me either.

5 Comments

  1. And who will dare to argue with you OMG hahahah I understand what you mean as a sugar lover! And I understand your frustration as I’m doing some effort to abstain from eating sugar so I stay fit! Oh fuck that and fuck fruits either hahaha I hate fruits, they’re not tasty! I mean how can fruits replace melting chocolate, a chocolate cake, a damn cookie! Oh well, it doesn’t! And what’s really unbelievable that you don’t lose weight as fast as you gain it from eating sugar! Fucking unfair! I can tell you that I gained almost 15 KG just from not controlling my sugar consumption, I can put a bag full of chocolate, eat it all and not even need to drink water! I can bring one jar of Nutella and devour it in 5 minutes! Oh well, now I’m really making sacrifices with this stupid dark chocolate, like 0.00000 grams hahaha fuck that!
    This was a very funny read and very relatable post πŸ˜€ You seem so skinny in the pictures so how you’re managing?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so glad you read this one!! It is hilarious to read now but I was so over not eating sugar by then! My world was crumbling around me!
      Update: I now go thru periods of abstaining from it. I don’t eat half as much as I used to when I realized how much a day I ate! But I still eat sugar. Life is short, afterall. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ€©
      (The weight stays down because I run so much. Otherwise I would gain a ton from how many sweets I eat. πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ™„β€β€

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Told you I’m reading from older to newer πŸ˜€ It was new style and it was funny for sure πŸ˜‚ I still eat Sugar too! But I workout regularly so let’s hope it’s effective πŸ˜‚ 1 bar of chocolate = 1 week busting my ass to stay in shape! πŸ˜‚ Dear God, why??
        Glad you run then, keep running and eating, oh yes life is short and this body will become dust (oh damn it’s drama now hahha) 😁😁❀

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s